i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
pop tarts are not kleenex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
