JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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