Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
