My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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