Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
