if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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