There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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