This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
