I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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