Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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