I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm always down for nudity.
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