chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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