do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
