i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think im going to throw up on grandma
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
