And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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