Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
