no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
