I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
