well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
