she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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