I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
