i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
