When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
