he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
