Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
