Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
