You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
