my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize