need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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