my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
