my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
