I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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