with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Welp...herpes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
