it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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