She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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