Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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