didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
