so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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