I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
