There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
