I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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