My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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