Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
