Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
