SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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