I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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