Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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