Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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