I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
