I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
