then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
