please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
