my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
