Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
