the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
