first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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